I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
