eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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