Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
