the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
