i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
