I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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