I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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