it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
