I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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