i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He told me they were just razor bumps!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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