he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
