ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
