he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
