I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
