guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
