Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
