Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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