went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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