they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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