Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
