It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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