Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
