This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The beer is more important than you right now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
