A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he shaved USA in his pubs
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
