I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
