If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
