So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My cat gives me a boner
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
