I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
