i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
