I accidentally burped into my bong.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
