I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
