he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
