fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
