Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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