She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
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Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.