I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
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Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you will always have a special place in my vag
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair