I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.