i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.