Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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