Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
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Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...