i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
