Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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