I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
