I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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