I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize
