I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize