the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
