Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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