wat bout pragnant strippers??
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
