I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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