i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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