Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize