whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
