why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
