i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my sisters under your porch take her home
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
