i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
