I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
