I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
