I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
