He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize