I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
