So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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